Prayer?! I Think We All Suck At It.

Prayer. 

            What is the point?

            That is not a rhetorical question. Nor is a question that is meant to ‘draw’ you into reading this post. The title being prayer, and the question being, what is the point?

            I know all the answers. However, in my experience and interactions, those answers do not at all quantify the reality for many of us believers. I know that prayer serves a purpose, but I have always struggled with finding that purpose fulfilling.

            (Que criticism)

            God is not a vending machine. I’ve never treated nor have I been comfortable with a personal prayer life or listening to prayers that treat God like some sort of amazon shopping wishlist.

            So what is the point then? God is omniscient – all knowing. God is omnipotent – all powerful. God is omnipresent – he is present at all places. Then why do I need to ask?

            Is it a control thing? I can say this does not at all fit God’s nature and yet it really is the answer you will get from many. “He just wants you to ask for it.” That is pretty narcissistic with a tinge of sadism on God’s part right? “I know what they need and what they want but I want them to ask for it or I’m not going to do it.” Makes zero sense….unless you are a Calvinist.

            Is it relational? Prayer is not an interaction, it is intention. It is demonstrating my desire to spend time with in conversation with God. Intimacy, communication.

            This is where Scripture leads us and I think, knowing God, is right in line with His character. Yet, knowing it is relational, prayer seems pointless….if I am being honest.

            I am addicted to a pointless thing. Sue me. There is nothing like spending time with God in prayer. My sons room happens to be the most quiet spot in the house during the day and is my prayer room. I feel drawn, irresistibly, prompted by the Holy Spirit to crawl up on his bed or kneel and prayer. Maybe it is a lesson that I am God’s son and child. (No, I will never be at ‘daddy God’ level nor insinuating this concept).

            Currently, knowing my struggle with prayer, I have written on a few index cards passages regarding prayers, promises and instructions. They frustrate me. In my selfishness I get angry at God on how they seem to apply to everyone else except me. Are you this way also?

            I’ve explored the possibility that maybe I am projecting my relationship that I have with my Dad, and applying it to my relationship of God. Something few are aware of and yet we often do. This is why the role of dads is critical in the home and often neglected. I’ve asked God if He is like my dad. I know he has and does love me, but he has more important work to be done. He will fit me in when it’s convenient to him. If I have problems, well I need to work them out and he will do what he can. Yet this absolutely goes against Scripture and honestly, convicts every dad and even mom out there in the Christian faith. God leaves us an example to live and his relational desire is far more than what we open ourselves up too.

            Prayer and my father issues. My dad and I have conversations. As of late, they’ve been lacking. For one, we no longer have anything in common. I have seen that my dad has not paid attention to my life and really known me. Our relationship has been placed on transactions. Prayer is not a transaction. Prayer is a conversation. It takes listening and it takes talking. Communicating in a way that is not demanding, and yet not polished or shallow. One that is open, honest, vulnerable, patient, long suffering, and all things that make a good relationship. I’ve never understood the polished prayer. If God knows your thoughts and your prayers, your heart, then he knows what your unpolished self is saying, thinking, and feeling. Prayer is God wanting that unpolished self. He knows the real you, and He wants you to bring that in a time of intentional intimacy with Him. I think the reason why I’ve noticed in my congregational surveys and experience that communal / corporate prayer is dry and not impactful, is because private prayer is the same, or just plain absent in the life of many. This in turn is because in today’s society, we suck at relationships. In my interviews and experience, those who have impactful and contagious prayer lives, live differently.

            Prayer still seems pointless for me right now. I am pushing through the quiet and what seems like hopelessness. That antagonism of knowing what God is asking and the enticing oppression to give in and give up. Right now, my fasting and prayer is focused on church planting and ministry. Location, team, friends, and finances. Not the run of the mill. The intimate, the different, the genuine and authentic. I don’t know how to effectively pray, but I am trying. I know the draw, the addiction to being connected to God, even in the silence. I don’t think any of us will ever have the key to prayer. The closer you get to intimacy and vulnerability with yourself, the Christian community around you, and God, the better and deeper depths of prayer I think you will go.

            Here are the verses on my index cards…

Acts 6:4

Romans 12:12

Matthew 21:22

Mark 11:24

Mathew 7:7-8

Colossians 4:2

1 Timothy 4:4-5